I was waiting a long time for you to arrive that day. Awake at 2am, usual bad night but this was worse because of a phone call during the morning. You know! The words you expect but never want to hear.
Anyway! That morning I was up early and did my usual thing, which is get up and clean the teeth, go downstairs – posh place, got stairs – computer on and make some tea.
Naturally I would love to be able to tell you that I got onto the Internet and did my email (well I do sometimes), bought and sold shares, contacted businesses in most countries. And made a fortune!
Well I can’t! (Apart from the occasional email).
I know that you will be shocked, but I actually like looking at porn on the Internet. Shameful admission! But I had to pass the time somehow from 2am until 9am.
I was ready quite a bit before 9am. You know me, boringly punctual, tidy house, no conversation (apart from in the privacy of my brain). In fact I was ready at 8:45am, but that doesn’t really count as I was listening to the ABC news, can’t miss that can I?
I opened the front door, for two reasons really. One to hear your car and two to be able to see you.
I stood at that door for over an hour. Had you been involved in an accident? Was there some other kind of trouble?
Suddenly! There you were! I had rehearsed a speech.
“I would very much like to go with you.” I was sure that you wouldn’t refuse me.
“We can use my car.” I had something in mind for the journey. I thought that I might be able to coax you in to putting your hand on my thigh. So near, but yet so far, but yet so exciting.
What was that you said? “I can only stay for a second!”
My mind whirled. What should I do? Here was the woman I have worshiped from afar for so long. She was in my grasp, yet at the same time so far out of reach that I could sooner touch a star.
I mentally kicked my self. Speech? No time! Work mouth, for God’s sake. “I would like to come with you.”
“Bloody kids in the car, been arguing all the way here. If you can put up with them you are welcome.”
My precious, I would have put up with anything.
I can’t really remember much of the drive, kids in the back, stilted conversation. Always the same with some one new!
I think we went to drop off some papers at a hospital. Or was it a university? I can’t remember. But I do remember that we dropped your kids off somewhere, I remember them waving from the other side of the road. We walked to…….. Yes I remember. It was a travel agent. You were going to see someone in Bangkok or was it Phuket? Naughty place that Phuket!
Did I ever tell you that I was once going to go there with this young lady I knew? We did all the planning, worked out the money and were at the stage of organizing kinky sex tours when, bang! She pulled out of it.
Anyway! Back to the day.
I was so glad to see the back of your kids on that day. No disrespect to you or them! Of course!
I remember that when we drove away I plucked up courage to ask you back to my place for lunch. “Yes.” You said. I carefully moved my hand across to your seat and gently touched your thigh. I expected a slap, but you just looked at me sideways with a slight smile creasing your lips. I increased the pressure and your hand came to rest over mine. For the briefest instant I was terrified of rejection, but then your hand pressed my hand to your thigh. That very rude policeman who berated you for erratic driving temporarily broke the moment. But as you skillfully drove us back to my flat I again touched your magnificent thigh.
I always get embarrassed when you look in my door. My meagre possessions compared to your magnificent mansion makes me feel so small. Why would she want me?
Why have I had this passion for you for so many years? I know that you think me a fool and only good enough for menial tasks!
We walked in to my flat, you had phone calls to make. Naturally! I know that you are a busy businesswoman.
I opened a tin of something. Looking back I was a fool, but all my food came from tins in those days. How was I to know that she expected a cooked lunch?
The tin of…? Stew I think, was heating in a pan and then I went and sat beside you. We both turned to speak at the same time, our lips touched and it was electric. We jumped apart. But almost immediately our heads met and our lips touched again, I pushed my tongue into your mouth. Remember? You jumped back and glared at me. I thought that I had gone too far, but then I remembered the lunch and knew that I could win you with my food.
“Did I go to far?” I asked you
“Just a shock really. Remember that I have a husband and kids!”
“But you came back here. And we touched lips.”
Then you looked at me and smiled, I think it was your first smile of the day. In fact I’m sure it was.
“Of course I want to kiss you.” You said, with that impish grin. “Of course.” Then you giggled and grabbed my face between your hands and kissed me hard, worming your tongue between my lips. Now it was my turn to be scared, I had never heard of a woman taking the upper hand. I tried to push you away but all of a sudden I felt my tumescence and knew that I was in love. My hand accidentally touched your breast, you shouted but my love I couldn’t hear your shouts. The pulsating blood in my eardrums drowned them. You pushed me away and yelled something about lunch. The smell of burning brought me back to my senses. I poured the slightly singed tinned stew on to plates and presented it to you as if I was a master chef. You ate in silence, apart from relating a very rude dream that you had the previous night. I was unsure as to whether you were trying to arouse me by relating the dream, or were you telling me that I could only have you in dreams?
I resolved to try to kiss you one more time. I decided to wait until you had finished your lunch. You put your plate down and I rushed for your sweet mouth, I should have waited until you had used your serviette! Eventually you looked at me and smiled. “You may kiss me.”
I kissed you and held you close. My hand strayed across your breast. I leapt up laughing and said. “Would you like to see what you are missing?”
Again! Have I gone too far?
Your eyes lit up in a smile. “I’d love to see!”
My hands went to my belt. Your eyes expectantly followed my hands. I laughed and moved my hands away from my belt. I deftly rolled my right shirtsleeve and showed you the very new tattoo of two doves entwined with love. “Your name could be here with mine.” I said, “your name intertwined with love forever.”
You moved towards me, I wasn’t sure what I could see in your eyes. I backed away but you kept coming towards me.
“I’m not bloody interested in tattoos!” You shouted as I cowered in dismay.
“I wanted to see you undo your bloody belt!”
I turned and ran up the stairs, I locked myself in my room. “Go away!” I shouted “Leave me alone!”
I was scared, but I still had my dignity. Trouble is deep down I really wanted to undo my belt.
© Peter Ryan 11/06/2001